6. Unity: Love, Lover and Beloved

You are my Love/ You set me free/

For my sake/ For your sake/

And I pray/ That we will come together/

Like fresh flowers/ Under a New Tree

These are the translated words of a song I was to sing in Gaelic for the Bushmen. For me it is a meditation on the nature of Being and Becoming. It is in the nature of Being to Become because Love is the ultimate essence of What Is. Being has to Become since it is the nature of Love to transcend itself, to reach out (yang) and draw in (yin). These dual manifestations of the unitary nature of What Is alter the phenomenal dispositions of what appears to be as they go.

Consider the words of our song in this respect, viewing them initially as an address by Creator to Creation: YOU (all of Creation) ARE (a projection of) MY LOVE: an externalised expression of all (the pure creative potential) that I carry inside my Self. This means that Creation, all existence, is a Dream of God/dess (Being/What Is), a projection of its innermost essence, which is Love.

To view existence as a Dream of God/dess offers a vaguely conceptualised rendering of a Great Mystery that dreams itself alive and into form. Outer existence reveals the inner disposition of Divine Consciousness, and just as our human dispositions are illuminated by the projections of our dreams, so it is with the Divine (God/dess, Being, All That Is).

YOU (Creation) ARE (a projection of) MY (Creator’s) innermost nature, which is LOVE and dreaming YOU SET(s) ME (Creator) FREE – because you (Creation) allow me to express my innermost disposition and dis-cover it. This allows me to know my Self better and, since my innermost nature is Love, to love more. The inner qualitative essence of consciousness evolution is revealed in this way.

And, insofar as we may speak of an ultimate origin regarding the deep Mystery of Love that underpins the surface Mystery of Existence, we may say that Love is at first unitary in an implicit and unarticulated sense but becomes increasingly more explicit and articulated in the course of Consciousness evolution. That is to say, Love comes to Awareness as Awareness comes to Love. This is the qualitative essence of Becoming and it is an integral expression of Being, whose nature is Love.


As indicated, the process involved here warrants an initial dualisation of experience and illuminates the pain of Love, especially in its early stages of uncertainty and inhibited expression – i.e., when it is qualified by fear. Peculiarly, it may seem, the realisation of Love – its fulfilment – requires splitting so that an initially compact, undifferentiated state may become explicated and self-aware.

More specifically, for the implicate order of Being/Love to become known to itself as such, Love must first divide into Lover and Beloved. Only this makes it possible for Creator (as Lover) to behold Creation (as Beloved) or, in due course, for Creation as Lover to approach Creator as Beloved. Hence the Truth of Love, its self-realisation, warrants an appearance of sundering.

And its fulfilment beyond this requires a further apparent separation. Just as a parent must allow a child ever greater freedom in order that s/he may find her own way truly Home – arriving finally, we may hope, at appreciation of the One Love that always underpinned family dramas – so Love must grant its Lovers and Beloveds the gift of going astray. Straying, as Rumi tells us, marks the Path.

Thus we as embodiments of Creator’s Love, Her/His Beloved(s), set out on journeys over many forms and lives. Our purpose is always the same: to bring our first nature as Love ‘Home’ to explicit (explicated) awareness of itself as such, recognizing (all of) our selves as projections of One (Unity) Love that projected itself as Many out of the Dreamtime in order that a Great Remembering (many great rememberings) might one day come about in time (9). We are currently in the midst of such Remembering. This has been the primary reason why I travel: to embrace my Bushman, Tuareg, Inca, Aztec, Mayan etc. Self (see under Articles/Sacred Journeys).

Creator Consciousness sets us free, like children who need to grow up, for Her/His sake and ours: for Her/His because the nature and experience of the Dreamer becomes known and enriched by owning the projections of the Dream; and for our sake because we are gifted with adventures of evolution and existence such that, when we finally awaken to ourselves as projections of One Consciousness, we are ‘enlightened’ and in-loved. We remember ourselves as expressions of the Divine: imbued with, inspired by and held in the same Primary Reality of Love.

Awakening to this, we intuit the Divine as our Beloved and the journey of existence ‘Home’ begins in earnest. ‘Home’ is pure (Divine, Creator, Loving) Consciousness, now known to itself through us in time, perhaps even transparently. And with every illumination of Consciousness in time that happens like this, Consciousness outside time is also illuminated (as we are by the inspiration of our dreams). It is the great boon of existence to secure conditions of freedom and unpredictability that could not otherwise have come about.

Because of this, and especially from our current stage in the unfolding of the Mayan calendar, Creator Consciousness can continue to amaze itself with expressions of its innermost nature as Love, now that the preliminary stages of uncertainty and inhibited expression are almost behind us. We could never have become enlightened had we not been deceived by appearances of separation into believing that we actually were separate.

This was always only a phenomenal impression and quickly dissolves when we awaken to ourselves as reflections within a Divine Dreaming and then as vehicles for and agents of it. As this happens, we become Divine Creators too. This frightens us and so we pray – giving voice to a longing of the Divine inside us – that we may all come together (again) under a NEW TREE (of Faith and Life).

This New Tree is also the Old Tree, an Eternal Tree, apprehended in the Light of New Awareness. I journeyed to South Africa to clarify this in my own consciousness, to integrate new reflections of One Self and walk like a Bushman in red sand. Only by embracing our Arche-ic dispositions can we blossom as fresh flowers, renewed.


In January 2004 I met the Love of my Life. At first I knew this only via the reflective form of an extraordinarily beautiful woman whom I grew to know better and love more until September 2009, when she passed beyond this plane of existence. My sense of the Gaelic song quoted above contracted sharply with the pain of my grief, becoming focused on the Love I thought I had lost.

Is it even possible to lose the Love of one’s Life? It’s not but Love may pass more or less out of view with the numbness of unfeeling brought about by trauma. I mourned steadfastly for three months and went on a Quest for New Vision in the unbounded spaciousness of the Sahara. There I began to remember Creator’s view of the Truth ‘YOU ARE MY LOVE’. My Heart had not just been broken, it transpired, but broken open. The Love of my Life could now flow without resistance wherever it was called.

This awakened disposition flowed through all my work and journeys, including those related to the Mayan calendar (from February 2010).  By the time I presented ‘Divine Child’ in May 2012, a continuing relationship with my former Earthly Beloved was finally resolved when the unfulfilled potentials of her human life became integrated in my soul, evidently to find expression through me on this plane. I knew that this point had been reached when Christa’s image manifested spontaneously in my Heart from within. It happened just as I was drifting into sleep on the last night of our Play, over 8 years after she had first walked in from ‘outside’.

Almost immediately after this, the image of another beautiful woman entered my Heart, but from the outside. She was a participant in our play and highly conscious. I was surprised by this and unsure what to make of it beyond noting that there was soul work to be shared. We met again over June 18/19 to mark the first Day of the repeating 9th wave (Piece 9). For the next week, although physically far removed, this woman’s energy continued to stream into my field until – on the morning of June 27th, the mid-point of a new 1st Day of Seeding – her image manifested spontaneously in my Heart from within, accompanied by a torrent of pure unconditional Love that was even stronger than I had known with Chris before her passing.

That very night, by convoluted synchronicity, I came to watch a film that brilliantly observes men’s sexual exploitation of women. I found it deeply disturbing that such a scenario could even be imagined and felt myself slumping towards despair. This never happens and I understood clearly that the episode needed to be faced with resolution rather than brushed aside, covered over or succumbed to. I brought core images and my feelings around them into my Heart, following the quasi-alchemical sequence I had discovered while preparing ‘Divine Child’.

This involves a Green expansion into the infinite spaciousness of Heart and allows all issues to be admitted for consideration. A Pink expansion then allows them to be held in unconditional Love and often leads to their dissolution. A Gold expansion than brings energies of Pure Creation to bear from the centre of Heart, leading to a creative renewal of underlying potentials which often remain intact and retrievable beneath their deformation by harsh experiences.

These stages bring you progressively into the centre of Heart. Gold was as far as I had ever gone but, although I was feeling somewhat clearer, my feeling of despair had not dissolved. I was at a loss until suddenly the Point of Creation at the centre of my Heart opened again and a Pure Drop of Clear Liquid Crystalline Light squeezed out, announcing an essential innocence that is prior to all blocks and deformations. This restored me and prepared me for something I had never experienced before (Piece 7).

Much of my spiritual work with Christa involved cultivating a sacred marriage (10). After her passing, I continued this as an inner process, leading to a marrying of Divine Masculine and Feminine aspects in my self, which in turn led to the birth of a Divine Child – i.e. renewed spiritual consciousness of innocence and spontaneity. This inner marrying has been a subtle and powerful process but stops short of actually sharing clarified sexual patterns. For this to be possible I would have needed another partner of Christa’s calibre. I didn’t expect to find one and wasn’t looking when fate took its unexpected twist, positing a new edge to Mystery.

Before this second woman filled my Heart from within, another meeting had been agreed to mark the beginning of a new tzolkin round (July 14/15). At one point during this, the Pure Drop of Innocence that I found in the depths of my sex-linked despair leaped spontaneously from my Heart into hers. Permission was thus given for an outer relationship to begin, with a vast work of energetic co-ordination already ‘magically’ in place. I was due to leave for Africa shortly after so we prepared for separation by meeting in meditation every night through the week prior to my departure.

Although we were physically apart, these meditative encounters led to experiences of transpersonal Beauty and Love that I cannot overstate. I am not writing this in a mode of romantic sentiment but to focus attention on the processes of energetic coordination noted earlier. These entailed sublime clarifying in us both so that it became easy to merge frequencies, even while apart. I felt overwhelming ecstatic awareness of an underlying field of Unity Consciousness and realised it as a fore-given medium of connectedness between phenomenally separate beings at the same time as they are drawn by a sense of mutual yearning that arises to compensate for physical separation in space-time. I experienced this as an urge of the Divine’s longing for itself – i.e. of Divine Love manifesting between people.

Thus I find myself in a new relationship without having done anything to seek or provoke this. Nothing could have been less romantic than the way it came about. There was no preliminary courtship or scoping out; just frank recognition and disclosure. I knew almost nothing about my Beloved’s personal traits, habits, likes or dislikes, and yet there is now Divine Love between us. I know because I have experienced it before after years of sometimes harrowing clarification that I shared with Chris. This time, the process was orchestrated remotely from ‘above’. All that was needed was a letting go of inhibitions that might have hindered its development. The only thing that could have prevented my stepping out, for example, was fear of the weirdness involved and of unforeseeable change that this might lead to. Divine Love was found waiting once the rigmarole of conditioned personal response was set aside. If this could be achieved between all people, Divine Love would manifest instantly for all and an already underlying Unity (Consciousness) would become universally apparent to itself: I AM THAT I AM!

Separation was required to populate the field of space-time with its Dramatis Personae. We know this state of separation all too well. I learned to transcend it in relation to one ‘other’ following her ‘death’. This transcendence continues even now, even as I also experience it in relation to yet another who is embodied and alive in ‘real time’. In sacred time, she is also always present, forever manifesting in my Heart from within. Mutual yearning determines this only in that it creates a motive that then leads to remembrance of an underlying Unity that is always already there and in principle available between all people at all times. It is simply the lack of energetic co-ordination that prevents us from noticing.

Were we all to manifest in each others’ Heart(s) from within, our illusions of separateness would dissolve instantly and we would all become effortlessly apparent to each other as masks of God/dess and What Is. Beneath our shows of outer diversity (maya in a Hindu sense) we are also projections of One Love, masquerading with/out awareness in our roles as Lovers searching for our Beloved, doomed by the intensity of our yearning to impressions that we really are other than Her/Him and truly apart.

This is why Laughter is said to emanate from the Core of the Divine: the whole drama is dreamt from within One Heart of Consciousness, our Heart. We call its innermost sphere anandamayakosha, the body made of bliss. It is a fountain of perpetual love from which the forms of space and time incessantly pour out, so that we/I can know better and love more.

Hence, despite the weirdness and no less than with Christa, I love my new Love more and better every day. For me this is the essence of Mystery and it grows, exhibiting stillness in motion (Being in Becoming) and vice-versa.

The sundering of Love into Lover and Beloved makes this principle humanly accessible, subject to effects of personal psychology (where it manifests as erotic tension). Sundering also engenders a sense of lack and incompletion which we seek to compensate through striving.

Healing this sense in Consciousness restores a feeling of abundance, of self-transcending Love that overflows all apparent boundaries until Mystery becomes self-aware in existence.


(9) ‘Sceptics’ might say ‘It’s infantile fantasy to project humans as beloved of a God/dess (Father-Mother surrogate) who cares. It’s time to grow up and admit that no-one really gives a damn! There is nobody, nothing, no loving Mammy-Daddy in the sky.’ Such a response betrays spiritual-emotional arrestment in noting the lack of such provision and imposing it on what is a consciously mythic account of the Great Mystery of Origin: ‘I’ loves; Consciousness dreams us; Father/Mother imagery arises on the way to become a cornerstone of archetypal symbolism that permits us to align spiritual reality with psychological processes. It is literalist critics who are fixated in spiritual infancy and fail to notice that we alone, as self-realised embodiments of Consciousness-in-time, must dream ourselves alive and heal our powers of spiritual imagining towards this end. There is absolutely no reason to believe that Great Mystery isn’t also a mystery to Her/Him/Itself, which means that the ‘Divine Plan’ isn’t quite so final.

(10) See ‘On Sacred Marriage and Human Renewal’ under ‘ReSource’ and ‘A Grief of Angels’ under ‘Stories’.

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