On Becoming the Grail

In August 2009, shortly before I was due to join an international group visiting the Waitaha people of New Zealand, I experienced a strong impulse to review the myth of the Holy Grail. This, I intuited, would provide a key to understanding the contribution of modern peoples to our upcoming Shift of Ages, especially with regard to correct application of teachings around the Mayan calendar. This was all I knew when I set off. I had many strong experiences with the Waitaha (1). The strongest came on our final day:

Te P says he will take us back before the origins of humanity. My consciousness shifts immediately so it’s hard to remember. I kneel as he begins what I hear as a magical chant, directly opposite him at the far end of the hall. My Heart expands in all directions. Tears form at its centre, as at a Point of Pure Creation. Slowly, this Point of Creation at the centre of my far-flung Heart begins to weep. The tears have a crystal quality, like liquid quartz. They awaken a depth of love in me, so sublime that I can hardly bear it. My Heart radiates light in all directions. I AM one with infinite space, centred in that still breaking-open point through which a stream is flowing now, then a river, small at first, then mighty.


Soon a waterfall is cascading in my Heart. I cup my hands before me, eyes closed, and see it washing over them. The flow seems to regulate itself, issuing smoothly as from a fountain, filling my hands with clear water that swirls a bit before spilling uniformly. Water is now streaming in my Heart and I am rapt by a vast ineffable love that knows all, comprehends all and forgives. Every harsh word of this morning rises in an instant, hovers in my Heart and dissolves. Any thought I might have is clarified instantly. I don’t have any thoughts but keep my eyes closed, vaguely conscious of Te P’s chant, radiating this boundless love I feel out all around me. Water is still flowing through the centre of my Heart.


Then a great sun rises in my expanded sphere, which before had felt dark. Although this great sun fills me, I seem to view it from behind. I cannot project it but changing the size of my Heart sphere changes its size also. Golden-yellow-red, it can be as big as my Heart allows. Words from a song ‘The Crying Light’ come to mind: ‘I was born to represent you/ To carry your head into the sun/ To carve your face into the back of the sun’. I don’t understand but sense that this vision will govern the rest of my life. Te P’s chant has stopped. I open my eyes and the sun disappears. I can still feel water streaming through my Heart. I am in the room but the room is also in me. I am held in an ocean of love.

I shared details of this journey later with Te P. He shared it with other elders, who affirmed the waterfall element as a core aspect of Waitaha spiritual culture. The ‘sun’ detail went unremarked but I related it intuitively to indigenous prophetic traditions of the Americas, which associate Age Shifts with the birth of ‘new suns’. I had no sense at all of the words. This began to change weeks later when my partner C took ill. Declining physical treatment, she passed over in circumstances that were tragic, beautiful and profoundly moving. My Heart broke, or so it seemed. Despite fervent longing and constant service, her creativity and our shared promise remained cruelly unfulfilled on Earth. I now knew whose face was in question.

Months later, I went to the Sahara desert on a vision quest. While meditating there, core images of my life with C returned but, whereas my focus through earlier grieving had been to clarify and express, on this return they bored a path deeper and deeper back into my Heart. Eventually, they reached a point where my personal Heart gives on to the Heart of Cosmos/Creation and, back of that again, the Heart of Void. Then, from a point deeper than I had ever been able to imagine, an opening appeared. A single tear came forth, containing the Sorrow of the World. This evoked the moment of Creation, and a drop of pure compassion in which all the loss and grief of existence is fore-given. I sense torrents gathering behind but, before they can break, the teardrop explodes. A Big Bang spews coruscating light into transitory forms and I know why the Sun of my vision rose up from Waters of Love (2).


I feel a stirring deep in my Heart: unpremeditated, unprovoked and unstoppable, as if a Fountain has opened of its own accord and started pouring forth Divine Love. I am convulsed by vibration. There is nothing but this love. It enfolds and dissolves me. It is bigger than I am and all that I can see. There is no difference between these. The bay, the churning ocean and the far horizon are all projections that arise for the sake of this love. There is no other.

I know what is happening: ‘I’ am becoming the Grail, discovering it as wellspring rather than container, a Cup running over with Waters that rise from a Source within itself, cleansing vision so that all is beheld with eyes of Heart and revealed by them as One, a flowing Unity that I experience as sublime beauty and compassion. I feel this moment as an irruption of the timeless into time, from which I will date my life anew. I am becoming the Grail: vessel and fountain, cup and spring.

I recall the phrase ‘Unless wo/man be born again of water and the spirit, s/he cannot enter (the kingdom of) Heaven’. Unless a man is born again of water … It’s true! After months of intense grieving and a Sahara interlude in which I experienced that first tear of compassion, the first water of which the first sun was born, I am becoming a Grail! The Waitaha vision has prepared me for this, and years of meditation, and my seemingly inexhaustible grief at C’s passing.

The Grail secretes a Fountain, a source of utter compassion in the Heart of Heart, a point of pure loving Creation, anahata, un-struck. It’s not just that we are in a River-like flow of Creation, this River is also in us, rising from a Source which I now feel within, expressing Divine Love into the world. This is something I have experienced over years in prepared atmospheres of conscious alignment. Now the programme has activated of its own accord with a clarity that feels permanent and irrevocable.

I am not moved to this condition as I have been many times before, cued by triggers of beauty, grief, compassion or creative display. It feels rather as if Source has been commissioned from within, establishing a renewed condition of my being. I know intuitively that this entails a final, decisive integration into my human soul of C’s spiritual legacy: a posthumous marrying that makes her unexpressed Goddess creativity available to me. Had I been rationalising, I would certainly have doubted this but I am not. All is disclosed in the blinding clarity of an instant Now.

But who Now is ‘I’? Not ‘John’ in any sense of known ego history and co-ordinates. That one is blown away, shattered and almost forgotten. ‘I’ have become a vessel for relaying Divine Love into the world. My body is a means to this end, empty and expanded to unknown dimensions, not a prison but a vehicle, a sacred instrument charged with anchoring, relaying and initiating love. My Heart sings. I am flowing and alive in every cell, as Love begets Light Now and at the Beginning.


A wellspring opening is more subtle than clearings that precede it. It concerns being born again of water, from the inside out; a renewal from Source. This is more than fanciful metaphor. There is a Fountainhead that secretes the essence of Goddess creativity, bearing it into motion, beyond recovery and towards fulfilment. I am experiencing it now, in keeping with last night’s writing about men embodying the Grail. As river and stream, water remembers where it’s from and where it’s going. Its gift is earned by admitting vulnerability and surrendering to all that comes of this.

It involves letting water move in and through you, not vice-versa, in a spirit of allowing: not doing, not knowing and not feeling a need to know or do. It is a time for stillness, whole-hearted relaxation and surrender of all attachment to our ego-stories. Peace comes when there is nothing to defend, regret, cherish, cling to or promote. As a function, ‘ego’ serves an important purpose in human psychology. As a structure of attachments, it limits. Like a shell built around our wellspring, it serves to protect, conceal, insulate and disable. Admitting vulnerable feelings is the only way into this structure. Allowing, once our wellspring has been activated, is the way out. There is no force involved, only an allowance of something which is soul-governed and follows its own course.

The shell of conditioned ego is resilient and needs to be gradually transformed. The peeling away of patterns from outside can only go so far before a new order of resistance is engaged. It is one thing to act courageously while armoured and another to strip armour away. Tears, and renewal that comes of returning frozen energies back to flow, are the best way to achieve this. The process entails emptying and cleansing. There is nothing to it beyond releasing all identification of consciousness with an ego-core shaped by our social-emotional histories. Traces of wounding in this core cause it to hang on. Flow will clear them if we let it. Thus we may find ourselves crying for no apparent reason. Let this be. A programme of inner clearing, once begun, discloses a fundamental urge to express Love into the world, a Fountainhead. This is an aspect of Grail, our most abundant God/dess nature, which we overlook because ego-defences hide it from us.

My story has long felt like fuel that’s already consumed, with one exception. I am still challenged to release attachment to C’s human form, to cherish her memory without clinging. She comes to me in waves of impossible love, deepening me and breaking my Heart more open. This is my Passion. It brings great anguish, fierce insight, endless compassion and devastating solitude. I live it unconditionally, with absolute trust. Its gift releases through vulnerability, combining tenderness and strength. Now, this process of Goddess sensibility has been internalised as Grail. C will no longer come in waves because her essence, and what it has awakened in me, is constantly present. Now I experience Unity as never before, and impossible loving within it. C’s sacrifice has built a bridge across dimensions.


‘The ego’ is generally vilified in spiritual writing by people who think it’s good not to have one and imagine that they shouldn’t or don’t. They see it as wilful, inflated or reactive. All these words describe ways we are conditioned to be but even ‘ego’ can have innocence. What we call ‘ego’ develops as a specialised function of soul to facilitate expression in our 3D social-physical world. It is a primary vehicle for Spirit and the culturally-formed medium of our personal (self-) consciousness. If it didn’t exist, some other aspect would have to serve its purpose, regardless of what names we apply. An ego function is necessary. Wounds which condition and deform it aren’t.

Even a wounded ego can be clarified and become ‘enlightened’, although it helps to start from a clear base, as Perceval did (making him a ‘Fool’!). This is an important consideration during the current phase of our species’ development, when – in the language of chakra theory – mass consciousness is set to rise from solar plexus level up to Heart. The solar plexus is our power centre, associated with ego functions of assertion, control and competitive striving. All of these can readily be identified with a modern world they helped to build. The Grail myth reveals what is really trying to happen through modernity, as innocence discovers yang power and remembers to bring it back to right relationship with God/dess.

The story helps us get beyond stuckness and realise our hidden promise. It articulates a specifically Western spiritual outlook. Eastern forms focus Constancy and picture human order relative to the Constant, viewing phenomena of change and historical action as illusory, while even traditional Western forms have had to reckon directly with questions of evolution, history and ‘progress’. The Mayan calendar provides an integrative frame for reckoning the relationship between Constancy and Change, timelessness and time. It permits us to see that the East has not simply been correct and the West wrong or vice-versa but rather that the specialised contributions of both have been beneficial for the evolution of consciousness, especially in ‘End Times’.

The Grail myth is the quintessential teaching story of the modern Western tradition. Read in conjunction with the Mayan calendar it tells us what the treasure of the west has been but this can’t happen if we dismiss it for not being as spiritual as tales of Buddha or Lao-tse. These are treasure also but their value can’t be properly appraised without relating them to complementary developments in the West, and vice-versa. In his innocence, Perceval the Fool never does as norm would have prescribed. He is deflected of course, but always returns to a Path of Heart which is uniquely his. Not having a guru-type mentor serves his destiny. Even the Hermit praises his ‘tenacity’, which alters laws of God.

A tension with respect to Constancy is apparent but also superficial in terms of a mystical consciousness which informs our story. The essence of Percerval’s quest is a return to Constancy, granted that straying has already taken place. It is directed not just towards the Sacred Feminine (yin) but to (re)establishing right relationship between it and the masculine (yang) aspect which Perceval represents. The fore-grounding of his ‘tenacity’ is crucial. Perceval never knocks off early, saying ‘If I’m meant to get back to the Grail Castle, it will happen’. He never ‘just hands over to the Universe’ as so many New Age folk are wont to do, affecting a manner which they take to be spiritual and ego-less. They don’t ‘switch on’ to their response-ability or assume their Passion. Perceval never forgets his.

He realises the Grail only after the Passion of his necessary journey. He needs to contribute his x% (whatever is required for co-creation) in order that the Wasteland can be healed. He doesn’t think, having lived his Passion “If I’m meant to say ‘What ails thee Uncle?’ it will happen in Divine Order”. He steps up and speaks out, knowing that assertions of his pre-aligned will are expressions of Divine Order. This is the disposition of an enlightened ego which is even prepared to die (by Feirefiz’ hand). This gesture of non-attachment secures Perceval’s elevation. Non-attachment is not indifference or lack of application. The Passion with which he began is fulfilled as Compassion when formerly dissociated parts converge in a new order of soul consciousness. This reconciles occurrences in the yang world of knightly affairs with yin Constancy of the timeless Grail while recognising that even ‘laws of God’ are not immutable. Nothing is impossible. The order of time is also creative. It exists so we can remember that we are God. What else? The Mayan Calendar ordains that we need to remember this response-ability right now.


An enlightened ego recognises its provisional nature and service role. It is willing to open beyond established limits to facilitate transcendence for the whole. It knows that transcendence is always of the ego and never by it. It learns that life becomes greater the more it lets go. It trusts in the meantime to some other containing form – call this a Grail or Light Body – while it suffers the recalibrations of transcendence without thinking to wonder if it will surface again in altered guise as the self-conscious, outer-oriented aspect of whatever the new order of consciousness is to be. Allowing swords to break, it yields easily to little deaths, without attachment, content to know what it must and not to know what it can’t.

A stunning miracle is revealed by this arrangement: no matter what transformations occur in my consciousness ‘I’ always survive them. I can’t not, even when I as self-conscious ego become more open and less attached, more loving and more amenable to being loved. Some impression of ‘I’ always persists, even as I am simultaneously aware of being part of a vast, infinite whole, a part of Oneness. Awakening to this, I celebrate my specificity, my I-ness, as the great theatrical venture that it is, a cosmic drama in which ‘I’ gets to play the role of many selves through endless changes of costume and scene. It is the same for Consciousness, which also cannot fail to be impressed by what happens in existence.

Consciousness is informed by Creation as a dreamer by her/his dreams. A dual consciousness thus arises within Unity, articulated and reflexive but not dualistic or caught in separation. It knows and loves better, having integrated Oneness. What dreams will such a divinely self-remembered dreamer dream, what worlds will S/He create? Only the most beautiful, most delightful and most becoming. This is the promise of a conscious co-creation that beckons to us now, wherein the Creator(s) that we are work with pure energies and extant forms of Creation to renew, revision and redeem what we have made.


Ego is moulded through social interaction and encounters with the physical world but it also projects the colours of our innately unique dispositions. We should be careful therefore, when speaking of ‘the ego’, not to overlook many differences that arise across individuals. It is only as we are subjected to regimes demanding conformity and repression that the brilliance of our colours starts to fade. If we avoid deformation or achieve necessary healing, our soul gifts – including those of a cultivated ego disposition – become available again for expression. Ego is not by nature the opponent of soul expression but an aspect of and vehicle for it.

As a clarified ego begins to open, it offers its energies to facilitate transcendence. It seeks to go beyond what it has made or been made so far, even to a point of courting dissolution. Willing that Divine Will should express through it, it becomes a positive force. As it relaxes, lower chakra energies that its defensive attachments had held in check rise increasingly into Heart. This effects a qualitative shift in our conscious disposition, which goes from being head- to Heart-centred. When we realise the freedom this confers, a Light goes on. Our lives are renewed. We see that all the power and intelligence we need is inwardly available to us. With this awareness, ancient patterns of dependency and doubt wither away. We act out of our own centres, but not egocentrically. Ego now functions in a service role, as a means to carry inspiration(s) to the world.


Awakening, the reflexive consciousness of ego seeks to open beyond itself, to connect with All That Is outside the closed loop of self by which experience had previously been bound. This is an independently formulated intention that becomes possible only within a closed loop. As the loop opens, ego consciousness remains intentional. It retains a learned capacity to conceive and project its own goals. When it conceives the goal of entering into right relationship with all that it is a part of, it dissolves the loop of self-entrapment. This transforms Consciousness, lending a new dimension and impetus, not just to consciousness in existence but also to the pure Consciousness of Being as such. The mystery of Being is illuminated from within by the process of existence. Perceval symbolises the yang arc of existence returning in awareness to a yin mode of Being. In the course of this process, Being/Consciousness becomes aware of itself in ways that it hadn’t been before. News of adventure in time filters back as a light of awareness builds there to illuminate its Source. Existence becomes a light in the Heart of Being, and Cosmos a beacon to direct further manifestations of What Is.


The same journey is replicated on a smaller scale by the trajectory of ego as it rises out of the undifferentiated pool of infancy (first chakra), through early patterns of relationship and feeling (second) into a culturally orchestrated illusion of autonomous selfhood (third). It is replicated on an intermediate scale by the journey of our species as it rises out of an undifferentiated state of ‘Unity Consciousness’ (in what Calleman calls the Regional Underworld: 3) to successive waves of separation consciousness in the National and Planetary Underworlds. Development of individual awareness is retarded as long as ego-consciousness allows itself to be defined by prevailing cultural norms. When, as in the case of Perceval, it sets out to live its Passion and find what it’s truly for, everything starts to change. A Path of Heart is established and essential guidelines generated for all who would follow it.

Waves associated with our current Galactic and imminent Universal Underworlds impel more and more people to shift out of inert conformity and follow our own paths to individuation, coming (back) into right relationship with All That Is. This involves a hankering after Unity Consciousness and, increasingly, steps towards its attainment. The capacity of enlightened ego-consciousness to exercise choice becomes more and more apparent as this happens. No longer content with prescribed roles, we set out on necessary journeys to establish right relationship with the material and spiritual contexts of our lives. Increasingly we find that we are not alone. Countless ‘Fools’ are abroad in search of integrity (their Grail) at this time, anxious to learn what is our Passion, our creativity, what gifts we must bring to the world.

The Mayan calendar tells us that the seventh day of our Galactic Underworld will inspire us to express power with integrity, which means creatively according to our light. Many are already on this Way: essentially that modelled by Perceval’s quest. It requires tenacity, resolution and the courage of our highest potential. It also requires compassion: a felt awareness that all our journeys are exquisitely inter-related such that – if all of us were doing exactly what we are meant to be doing – our actions would dovetail perfectly, without conscious monitoring or calculation. We find what we are meant to be doing by listening to impressions that arise from within and establishing conditions that elicit them. We encourage others to do likewise by example, without need of judgment or control.


I have been working for three months on two streams of writing, two ‘trilogies’ as I imagined, one concerning the Mayan Calendar and another the Holy Grail. I didn’t know that both would find a single ending in this piece. I have also been working on two ‘sacred plays’ – mythic enactments that unfold through story, dream and dance – one anticipated and the other not. I foresaw ‘Living from Heart’ months back. While preparing it I had a strong vision of energy from my solar plexus moving up to Heart, initiating new waves of consciousness there. This became part of a transformational sequence in which I experienced Light going on to signify a qualitative shift in awareness, implying that something new, radical and irreversible had taken place (4).

This process developed from another sequence in a yet earlier play called ‘Return of the Ancestors’, where our group undertook a shamanic journey to the Sun (5). There, following Sahara inspiration, I imprinted C’s face as an image of Goddess/Earth on ‘the back of the sun’ and prayed through Galactic Centre to Cosmos and Beyond that Earth’s necessary changes might happen beautifully for her sake and that of all her creatures. I also included a prayer for benevolent relations between a New Earth and the New Sun in terms of which many indigenous prophetic traditions reckon shifts in world ages.

By the time I began rehearsing Heart, bringing through inspirations shaped by my own process, I experienced a crying demand for ‘the birth of a New Sun’ in myself, other humans and our solar system.  This marks a transformation in the consciousness of Earth and is reflected by a correlative shift in that of the Sun (as one would expect in a progressive sacred marriage relationship). It also marks a growing facility on the part of our co-creator consciousness to induce sympathetic change through resonance by virtue of achieved clarity. An elegant ritual manifested easily to facilitate this, stressing that participants need to be made aware of a ‘switching on’ that happens in consciousness as the sequence unfolds. I found a suitable creative means of realising this also and was astonished by the effect it had on me.

I have had many partial enlightenment experiences but this felt different, irrevocable and complete. I didn’t become wiser or less sad as a result, just constant in my sense of being a Source of impressions that arise and in acceptance of them. Consciousness reconfigured around the question ‘What is my Passion-Creativity-Freedom-Gift?’ By this time I was drafting a response to Calleman’s ‘Conscious Convergence’ paper (6) and engaging particularly with the Mayan Calendar’s ninth wave of conscious co-creation. A sudden flowering happened then within the flowering of ‘Heart’. A new play was born, building from ‘Heart’ themes of conscious alignment and co-creation to focus specifically on issues of personal creativity and purpose, how these relate to the imminent ninth wave, a staggering process of conscious harmonisation that will arise with simultaneous completion of all nine waves and a dawning of Unity Consciousness that will thereby be initiated (7).

I continued to dance the closing sections of ‘Heart’ as the secondary flowering called ‘Over Nine Waves’ emerged. I saw that to realise the impossible transcendence of ‘Love That Is (More)’, a person needs to be switched on beyond transitory peak/peek experiences that are the norm for weekend workshops. I found a striking way of doing this with regard to the impact in consciousness of feeling the Sun of enlightened ego rise up into Heart, allowing the Gold of all that had been held down by the weight of emotional history to resume its natural course of seeking spontaneous expression.

[The spiritual Gold of a life becomes apparent when the spark of a person’s spirit rises into Heart beyond the impact of emotional history which tends to bury it. This spark needs to be disinterred and fanned alive amid frozen traces of first chakra survival issues. It then needs raising through knotty tangles engendered by early childhood relationship dysfunctions (second chakra) and consolidated by repetitions through adolescence into adult life. These patterns also need releasing from a state of frozen inertia back to the spontaneity of flowing Presence. Only from the experience of Flow can a New Sun of enlightened ego be born into the spaciousness of Heart. Prior to this, the solar plexus (third chakra) serves to defend embattled ego-consciousness against spiritual-emotional risings that threaten its fragile stability. It then becomes a bottleneck: controlling, demanding, reactive and shockingly unaware.]

This release entails reactivation of creative tendencies that arise naturally in the soul. Atrophied as a result of trauma and/or neglect, these unnaturally arrested tendencies also need nourishing back to flow. As flow is restored in our lower chakras, especially the second, inherent soul tendencies gravitate back towards right expression. As its defensive duties gradually reduce, the inner sun of ego makes ready to rise, following the sequence of my Waitaha vision. This event has been facilitated now across three ‘plays’ (8). When it finally happens, it needs decisive flagging to pierce a mode of human consciousness that has long been spiritually concussed and habituated to banality. It represents Awakening. An initiatory process is required to consolidate the sense of Greater Life it brings.

We achieve this through the final sequences of ‘Heart’, where people have qualitative experiences of coming alive inside. Light goes on, released from under its bushel, and we don’t fear to let it shine. Our burning issue then becomes ‘What is my Passion-Creativity-Freedom-Gift?’ Sourced in the Flow of Creation, this question surges past semantic concern. We realise what it means to have a Passion, to be awake and yearn to know our purpose, what we are for. It warrants realising the difference between entering and engaging Flow, an awareness that the Source of all that arises, including nine waves of Creation, is actually, tangibly inside us. 

Our desire then is to ride swelling tides of inspiration, lending form to pure potential that presses for manifestation as existence. This is an impulse to conscious co-creation that is gathering to break in us now as the ninth wave. It’s not possible to surf this without also surfing the other eight at the same time. That the flowering of ‘Over Nine Waves’ happened magically in terms of synchronicities and the finding of appropriate music is thus deeply reassuring. It sweeps us through ‘Apotheosis’ into ‘Unity’, working as the cave paintings of our shamanic ancestors once did to create through Consciousness that which it evokes in consciousness.

[This is also how Conscious Convergence must work: as we once made images of Animal Masters so our hunting would be good and pregnant Mother figurines so that abundance might thrive, we are now charged to create forms that carry equal powers of magical elicitation. My sacred plays are directed towards this end and offered as examples. The envisaged outcome is a (re)New(ed) Earth, the opposite of Wasteland. The symbolism of a New Sun evokes rebirth and a reunion of yang (evolutionary force, West) with the Constancy of yin (East). That it rises from lower chakra depths into the clarified spaciousness of Heart serves a Cosmic purpose of enlightenment and is prerequisite for restoring Flow. To read this promise of New Sun literally is to forfeit a power of sympathetic magic that we can now consciously deploy as Condor-Eagle and Ancient-Modern remembered as One. (We may rename sympathetic magic as ‘intentional resonance’ or some such but it is important to honour the retrieval of ancestral gifts implied here from the sensibilities of our inner Regional Underworld.)]

Decisive in this unfolding is a section called ‘Fountainhead’, during which we who have committed to Flow and remembered our Passion amidst the Sorrow of the World, discover that the Source of the Water of Life is also present in us, behind vast torrents of Compassion that must release for this primal recollection to occur. Then, beyond the moment of illumination that makes us a light unto worlds, we remember our origins in darkness, Void, No-thing, the pure potential of un-manifest Spirit, whose first compassionate tear of prophetic insight unleashed the Flow of Creation and a mighty fire of many suns that would illuminate existence. Recovery instigates a backwards recollection of this sequence, through Form and Light back into Void.

Immersed in this primal torrent, feeling a River within the River I am always in, a River that arises from that first tear of primal Com/Passion, I become activated as a Source of Goddess Love, after the God Light of my formerly buried divine spark has ignited in my Heart and shot up to my head (Pineal). I know now that invisible Source is ineradicably within, behind the Heart of my Heart which is also the Point of Creation. This is why a golden Sun arose from the remembered compassion of my Waitaha cascade. This is how it always has to be. The light of manifestation rises out of dark, un-manifest, un-reflected depths of primordial Love. Remembering this grounds the common passion of All That Is. Forgetting leaves us lost. To remember, we must pass beyond attachment to all form, knowing that the zeal of existence to recollect Source leaves indelible impressions on the inner sensibility of Being. Such tenacity still alters laws of God.                                                                    


Ego is a means to history and trouble. It is a necessary platform for enlightenment to happen and Love to be remembered in time. It is the blessing and curse of our species, without which cycles would merely recur and Many would never become known as One. Buoyed by a ‘calendar’, it is the primary vehicle for impossible transcendence of I AM and illumination of Being through existence (9). The Western way of historicity and individuation has supported its triumphs and its trials, in seeming opposition to egoless visions of the   East. The Grail myth tells us how the story is supposed to end, when the innocent ego – like a Rising Sun – finds its way Home, back to All That Is.

Becoming the Grail, we remember ourselves as Light vessels through which miracles occur. This happens irrevocably as Hearts open, tears well and inner suns rise up to transform lives. We may regard our physical forms as tangible vessels for relaying love into existence. Beyond this, we find that we are also the Source of this Love and its miraculous potentials. All existence, every impulse to exist, flows from this Being that I AM. All existence is a Grail for channelling Love and radiating Light, a structure of illumination in the dark infinitude of Being. Every wo/man, switching on, re-enacts the Mystery of Creation, where Water gives birth to Fire and Love to Light. This is what I remembered on the beach.


(1) See ‘Waitaha: Impressions of a Fool’.

(2) See ‘Sahara Vision 2010’; also ‘A Song for Christa’.

(3)  See Carl Calleman ‘The Mayan Calendar and the Transformation of Consciousness’.

(4)  See ‘Living from Heart’, a written account of this play. See also ‘The Mayan Calendar: History, Purpose, Applications’, ‘On not believing Calleman entirely’, ‘A Path of Heart: Europe 1210’ and ‘A Path of Heart: Europe 2010’.

(5) See ‘Return of the Ancestors Report’.

(6) See Calleman’s piece at www.calleman.com and ‘On not believing Calleman entirely’.

(7) It is remarkable that the Mayan Calendar is not primarily concerned with recurring cycles but with our path to a decisive End Time after which nothing will ever be the same again in terms of consciousness. The ninth wave concerns conscious co-creation, which suggests a persistence of duality. Since it also leads to Unity, this suggests that Unity arises out of an integral human creativity that is appropriately aligned with the Flow of Creation in time.

(8)  ‘The Goddess Rising’ gathers the spark of Spirit from icy wastes of first chakra wreckage and lifts it into Heart. ‘Return of the Ancestors’ heals wounds of our collective past so that waves of Creation can flow unimpeded in our present. It also opens an illuminated Heart space where this can happen. ‘Living from Heart’ restores us to Flow and induces awareness of Source within. ‘Over Nine Waves’ focuses the role of our Passion/Creativity through End Times to the coming of Unity Consciousness.

(9)  Being/Consciousness/Void, having no limit, could never transcend outwardly. There is nowhere its love could reach ‘out’ to.  Thus it has to transcend inwardly, via the dream of existence: whence the great compression of Love that led to the first tear and explosion of our Big Bang. Light was made thus, and reflection. Ego is the name given to a state of consciousness that arises when a particular species internalised this power of reflection. Consciousness in time thus became reflexive, or self-aware. I AM is a name assigned to Consciousness outside the field of existence. Ego is a properly integral function that arises to facilitate recollection of I AM in existence.

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